St Augustine's, Dumbarton - Scottish Episcopal Church

Most clergy love to receive Church Supply catalogues. Indeed I once shared a flat with a certain ordinand who was known to pour over such catalogues while the rest of us were reading theology. She could source good women’s clerical shirts (that’s good shirts btw, not necessarily for good women) in seconds and knew the most competitive prices for Roman cottas.

This week I received the latest catalogue from SoS (Shinglers of Sutton) who are very generous participants at the Ingliston Roadshows btw. In it I was delighted to see the new Electronic Incensor. You plug it in to charge the battery, bung on the incense (medium grain is best) and press the button to spark it off. Loads of smoke ensues (for 3 minutes) and if you need another boost you just hit the button again.

Now most churches have a minority of members who have what we call a ‘Presbyterian cough’ when it comes to incense. Cries of allergy and cancer can be heard amidst the pronounced coughing and clearing of throats. Of course, we high church aficionados know that this ‘allergy’ is really to the smoke that comes from the charcoal and not the incense itself which is herbal and awfully good for you really. The Electronic Incensor could be the way forward.

Anyone want to donate £288 to a good cause?